Christmas-time 2015, while perusing a light-read biography, my inner radar began to blare. Two short chapters tucked quietly into the book more than caught my attention. Years earlier, it was Christmas 2004 on an airplane when I first read that same book. I lost it and for years felt compelled to re-purchase the book to read again, which I finally did. I completely forgot the contents of those two particular chapters. They took me by surprise.
During this fateful read, creepy tingles (and a tangle) went up and down my spine related to certain spiritual powers mentioned. For a time, because of the overwhelming terror I felt, I had to lay the book down to finish reading later. It reminded me of similar brief terror episodes I experienced during a 2006 cancer battle, the 2 weeks prior to surgery.
While reading those chapters, a seemingly harmless souvenir in our home came vividly to mind. Gifted to us 10 years earlier when my husband was in an indigenous land, on his first-ever spring break missions trip in 2005. And then proudly displayed 24/7 in our home office. The presence of that souvenir morphed into a quiet "fifth fulks" in our family-of-four's maturing household. At the time, our children were aged 25 and 22. In May 2005, just 3 months after receiving the gift, our dearth distractions began.
Over the past 10 years I have learned a greater respect for many things. In particular, a respect for reclusive things like spiders and ticks. They have lasting venom. They are now tops on my creepy things list because I have experienced first-hand their venom's power. And recently, I have a respect for a new venom. That particular fear-factor thing gives my post a PG-13 rating, because we faced venomous troubles the full decade it inhabited our home. I have learned that attitude through difficulties really does matter. The old cliche "attitude determines your altitude" really is true.
The Bible's Job-Factor Did Not Apply
For perspective's sake, when difficulties occur in shotgun fashion, like the way they are presented in the Bible's Book of Job, it is easy to see a pattern or correlation. Job plainly appeared to be jinxed. He lost everything dear to him except for his life and his wife. And God gave no tangible reason to Job for the jinxes. He mourned his losses, but Job never blamed God.
We prefer to not compare ourselves to Good Job, because he was good. Instead, we compare distraction to distraction. They felt somewhat crazy-cray, seemingly un-related, but they now appear to be related in an underlying way. Yet, we had positive times and blessings as well, that were interspersed (a daughter's wedding, grand-births, house re-organizations, insightful memoir-writing, exotic vacations). In fact, very good things happened. In the midst of it all, correlation was less obvious.
Admittedly, I already had a superstitious edge or awareness. And the events of the past 10 years heightened that awareness. However, we never looked for literal venomous spirits to be lurking around corners. Certainly not in our safe home.
Just because a theory appears to be crazy does not mean one should discount it. What I term as emphases or punctuation-darts during the previous years were similar to that biography's unusual happenings, quietly contained in those two chilling chapters: Our dog's random death and our daughter's overseas emergency appendectomy; on-and-on shaking car wrecks and developing a first-name relationship with the body shop and the insurance company; a small-radius, penetrating, century-record, on-and-on hail storm that on the radar egocentrically appeared to emanate from our home; career aspirations destroyed; and so many other stunning blind-sides. For perspective, the problems occurred somewhat back-to-back, at times they overlapped, there were brief seasons of settled, yet, the bizarre-factor was even noted by others.
The Awakening
Previous to age 50, we busily focused on family, our jobs, weekly prayer walks around our church (with my beloved dog), church relationships, and regular exercise work-outs, in that order and we preferred the idea of order. We bordered on boring. And then life went haywire. What was placed into our home just months prior to age 50? As you will see, my awakening does seem far-fetched. And maybe even outrageous. Like I've watched "The Exorcist" too many times (one nail-biting 1973 viewing was more than adequate).
That.Bolivia.Souvenir! Did.It.Represent.A.Pseudo-Altar????
Outrageous? Yes. December 2015, finally after 10 years, after reading those two chapters of the providential book, our eyes were opened to the souvenir's "fool's-factor." Its orientation resembled a manger scene, but it was a faux manger scene. Like fool's gold, it was an imitation. It was black. Upon closer inspection, each carved figure was dark and creepy-looking and faced toward one central creepy figure.
Like the Trojan Horse that penetrated the naive City of Troy, we were invaded. "It" stealthily entered our home years ago, and the idol-card was played. Just 2 years ago, I had most gingerly dusted it using careful rubs, like freeing a bad Genie-in-a-bottle to unknowingly escalate distractions. I thought it was a harmless manger scene, yet that souvenir might instead represent a pseudo altar. Was it? We will never know for sure, but I felt desperate to try something to make the crazy-cray stop...
Within 30 minutes of reading the book's two chapters, we removed the idol from our home, permanently disposed of into a store's outdoor trash bin, to be hauled far, far away to the city's waste disposal site. But maybe it should have been burned, because I was reminded that never-have-I-ever been more relieved to discard of, rather than donate or re-gift, a gift. Just 7 weeks later, a mortal accident at the city's waste disposal seemed way too coincidental.
What.Not.To.Fear?
Had we been housing a ticking time bomb, innocently sitting on a side table, in our home office? One of our top-two daytime rooms of refuge? Where plans are made, bills are paid, and destinies are dreamed?
What Not to Fear? Loss, famine, and tomorrow's uncertainties. God did not cause our many literal and figurative storms. But, yet, He did allow them. He was present through each and every event. Most certainly, I see His love regardless of, and through it all. Both punctuation darts, and especially God's Word, remind me of that.
The final storm, loss of career dreams, still affects our pride and our pocketbook daily. But we have learned much about ourselves. God gives us peace. Reflective pondering magnifies that no matter what the cause, our family definitely experienced and mercifully survived a potentially deadly decade. That is a huge and positive fact! We experienced 6 car wrecks with no injuries whatsoever. A competent, focused, American-schooled surgeon was provided for our daughter's overseas emergency appendectomy. And, my life was spared two tangible times: Ten years ago, we survived a close-call tornado (just 1/4-mile behind our home) as I sat huddling and praying in our home's bathroom and my husband literally flew overhead in his return airplane flight from his second Bolivia missions trip; and, one month later, beginning April 1, 2006, a U.S. skilled surgeon and an Oncologist successfully worked life-saving miracles for me.
A dream job was never landed; trivial things like my breasts and a healthy daughter's appendix were taken; our spry and pampered 11-year-old dog was mortally wounded by a neighbor's car; our overall income decreased by a decent percentage; we lost a car or two because of the 6 Corolla accidents in 18 months' time; faced life-and-death challenges with heartaches (but no decision-regrets); a 3-year-old's mysterious blackout rages poignantly surfaced; and lesser kerfuffle occurred which are mentioned in another post. The overall impact and permanence of thorns is downplayed when looked at from the perspective of Jesus' crown of thorns worn on a splinter-laden cross; and so...
Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.
In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing
(Job 1:21-22)
and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.
In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing
(Job 1:21-22)
Grace.Grace.
Metaphorically speaking, with no exaggeration intended, at times it was like we were in a shaky, face-to-face duel with a sharpshooter or sinister force. Or, in the trenches, with wild shrapnel flying overhead. Like a powerful bomb suddenly exploded just yards ahead of us, forcefully knocking us to the ground. We were starving when an undeserved chunk of bread was handed to us. We marched forth, like gaunt prisoners. We experienced it all, but little penetrated us. We were actually in the thick of it, yet not. A positive Force was protecting us. For some undeserved reason, mercy covered us. And as we cowered fearing a venomous enemy, our eyes were opened to safety. We chose to hold onto a higher perspective.
About 3 months ago, we were hit with what for us felt like the daughter-of-all-blind-sides, our career dreams were shattered; with yet another down-pocketbook trajectory rather than the anticipated up or stable. That is when the anecdotal frog-in-the-slowly-heating-pan-of-water came to mind. We decided to react rather than "boil" alive. Instead of blaming ourselves or tangible others, we looked deeper. Our frame of reference morphed.
Paranoid questions began to surface, like: Can we somehow stop bad things from happening? And, later, feeling dejected after losing a few "coin flips": Does everyone see us as losers?
March 2 Liberty
We feel an unnatural peace. Jesus is what we NEED him to be (Savior), not what we WANT him to be (Santa). He wore a crown of thorns on a splinter-laden cross, for me. He was and is Savior, through it all. Every April fool's is the vivid anniversary of THE day of my March 31st cancer surgery ... that nixed my untimely death in 2006. And to every other intangible death we could have experienced in the past decade. In other words, no permanent death of dreams; no lingering heartache and cynicism about one thing or another. Instead, God has shown us his ultimate power, helping us through every day of our shaky 50s, nearly unscathed, with no regrets, and hopefully better people rather than bitter.
Were we overly vigilant towards that idol souvenir? And how could it even find its way into our home? I have a theory. But I repeat, why store or house a potential carved or graven image? Even if it is a keepsake? We gladly and energetically rid ourselves of that "fifth fulks." And, on a side note, how did we unknowingly repeat the harmful choices of my ancestry, whose house purchase decades ago was just blocks from a grand house of idol-worship? With ensuing ancestry heartache and permanent troubles.
We have felt famine in various ways, but know that God's strategic plans are so much wiser than ours. And His grace is more than enough. Only One has the final, final say. God's love is certain, no matter what happens. After ample and admittedly selfish, mindful reflection, we hope to once again live out and give out.
Were we overly vigilant towards that idol souvenir? And how could it even find its way into our home? I have a theory. But I repeat, why store or house a potential carved or graven image? Even if it is a keepsake? We gladly and energetically rid ourselves of that "fifth fulks." And, on a side note, how did we unknowingly repeat the harmful choices of my ancestry, whose house purchase decades ago was just blocks from a grand house of idol-worship? With ensuing ancestry heartache and permanent troubles.
We have felt famine in various ways, but know that God's strategic plans are so much wiser than ours. And His grace is more than enough. Only One has the final, final say. God's love is certain, no matter what happens. After ample and admittedly selfish, mindful reflection, we hope to once again live out and give out.
Our experiences have changed us, and we are repaired people
* This Awakening is compliments of "Tangled Destinies," Author Johanna Garrison. The second awakening is heritage-related, also gladly disposed of... in other posts.
Cryptic Conclusion
That 50s decade is only a memory, cleared of unnecessary baggage. Our 60s decade prepares to shift out of stalled neutral as we embrace forward-thinking: To benefit others through our destiny callings [now age-adjusted]; and, to cherish a grandchild or three. In other words, my Seuss-self can only express its joy in cryptic-combo fashion ...
And, so, to liberty we go
Jacklight & jiving
Yes, to liberty we Will go
Cleaving to hope
Because, in our family, March 2's Seuss is now co-billed
with Isla Faith
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